Finding footing on a hike in Antigua to Pillars of Hercules just before quarantine

At 33, I started to seriously invest in coaching to rewire my mindset, level up and deal with the curve balls. There’s a framework that classifies life into phases:

• Unrest where the status quo starts to feel unsettling and leads to…
• Destruction where it’s out with the old and possibly in with the new…
• Growth which is all about ramping up the new…and
• Mastery where one relishes the fruits of one’s labor before restlessness hits

2019 started with a feeling of mastery but by the time my 33^rd birthday dawned, unrest had settled in. Losing yia yia in June kicked off the destruction phase and leaving a company in November after 8.5 years solidified it.

While I’m grateful for my time there and how it all ended, the first five weeks of freedom were pure bliss. I took art lessons, went on nature walks, did all the self-care, indulged in long phone calls and gave myself permission to finally not strive for anything and just be. No goals. No rules. No plan.

I took a leap of faith into nothingness. Then sh*t started to temporarily hit the fan.

If life were a garden, only 20% of my efforts had been tending to relationships, including the one with myself. In all the newfound time and space, I could see other areas that required full presence, love and truth. New boundaries were negotiated and old circumstances were seen from new perspectives.

I also realized that feeling productive and competent at my job, held some personal value. I had to mourn the loss of that and let go of the attachment to any external identifiers (good or bad). It reminded me of shedding the “unlucky in love” badge in order to embrace marriage.

Uphill change was in the air at 33!

So who was I and what did I want now? It was imperative to be a human first, before tackling these questions head on (at least for me).

After watching Greta Gerwig’s Little Women, I started cobbling together the first draft of my book idea in January. It had been simmering for five years. For now, it sits on a hard drive waiting for intuition to guide next steps.

I also started work on a kids’ book complete with watercolour illustrations. I used to draw and colour for hours as a kid, plus read non-stop. And because I have no clue what I’m doing, I signed up for a Zoom course earlier in April via New York’s Gotham Writers. I was inspired to do this when the world flipped upside down and I never would have met these beautiful humans otherwise (thanks Zoom).

Say hello to my little storybook friend Leo!

Both books focus on self-acceptance, something I’ve struggled with. It’s unclear what outcomes they’ll yield, if any. For now, I’m trying to enjoy the process without succumbing to self-doubt or grand expectations.

In late February, I started to feel like I SHOULD look for a job, but I wasn’t fully ready. I did begin to miss a separation between work and home, along with coworker camaraderie. The cabin fever was real! And while living for the weekend became intolerable, Sundays lose their lustre when EVERY DAY is SUNDAY.

Shout out to TV’s The Good Place for exploring the banality of everlasting nirvana.

But then the world caught up when quarantine hit and everyone had to slow down and readjust expectations. Originally it was tempting to question earlier decisions and spiral. Ultimately, I had to reframe freedom and find it within myself.

That’s the thing about freedom…you can feel trapped while traipsing the globe (shout out to Italy and Antigua) and feel free in lockdown, without #FOMO or the weight of options and obligations. Just me?

I hope we collectively and individually benefit from this pause and appreciate all the little things we may have taken for granted (my list is long). Below are some light workers who helped me during the dips.

Mindful, Virtual Resources for Freedom in Quarantine:

• Moonwake’s free “New Moon” workshops and Tarot + Cocktail Thursdays
• On Fridays, Jen Mansell does free breath work to custom soundtracks
• Nataliya Becker offers a 5-day reset program for companies and individuals
• Kathryn Ducey’s content and coaching is bomb
• The Tapping App has some free content too with pressure point actions

Here’s hoping my 34^th trip around the sun sticks to the “growth” phase, with more truth, heart, inner freedom and creativity at work and beyond. If social distancing has taught me anything, a backyard to bask in would be really lovely too…

So tell me, what have you learned during Quarantine? Any extra resources? Tips to celebrate birthdays? Share in the comments below!